The Kind of Mom We Are

Little kids with mommy reading book

Have you ever wondered about what kind of mom you are? I entertained this thought after being hit by a bout of mom guilt when I was spending long hours editing the manuscript and preparing for my book launch. I felt I had turned into an “unloving, workaholic, nonsense-intolerant mom” (when under stress, my threshold for tantrums and misbehaviors plummets!).

So, as someone who used to enjoy doing all sorts of psychological tests for fun, I googled the internet for some answers to the question of whether I’m a good or bad mom.

I was surprised to see a long list of quizzes. From Oprah to Kaboose to Better Homes & Gardens, many sites that are mom or women related have at least one simple test to help you find out what types of mom you are. I took a few tests and was pleasantly surprised with the results.

I’m supposed to be a “multi-tasking”, “resourceful and understanding”, “100% mom” (or known as the supermom).


Sounds great.

But hang on, I don’t think I’ve been such a good mom. Hm…

Or… maybe… could it be that I’m not that bad as a mom? Perhaps I’ve just been too hard on myself? No, make that we moms have been too hard on ourselves.

We love to define ourselves (and others) with so many different labels: stay-home mom, work-at-home mom, full-time working mom, tiger mom, nurturing mom, adventurous mom, diva mom, and… supermom!

But are these labels important to our identity as moms? Is one kind of mom better than another?

Given the differences in our values, personality, social, cultural and economic backgrounds, we all approach motherhood and its responsibilities differently.

Besides, we can be different every day, even moment to moment. Today I may be the “no-nonsense mom”, putting a stop to every little bit of mischief and saying ‘no’ to tonnes of things.

The next day, I can turn into the “cool mom” who goes with the flow of everything: It’s alright he dirties the clothes and messes the house up, as long as he’s having fun. After all, he only gets to enjoy childhood once!

Why the change? Very likely because I’m having a less stressful day!

And our kids go through different phases of life. These days, I can hardly be the “cool mom” no matter how hard I try. I often find myself wanting to tear my hair out as my son tries to test the boundaries at every opportunity he can find. Sometimes I miss those days when my boy was just a baby, it was easier to look after him!

No matter how we are labelled, the fact is, roles of a mother is almost the same in every part of the world. We ensure that our kids are well-fed and properly nourished, take care of them when they are sick (moms, more often than dads, are the ones who take leave from office to bring the kids to the doctor’s), shop for their clothes and plan the birthday parties. We are our kids’ play mates, chauffeurs, tutors, coaches and a whole lot more.

So forget about labeling ourselves or others the “tiger mom”, “diva mom”, “supermom” or whatever.

I believe at the core of every mom, this is what she is: She wants to do her best for her kids. That’s what truly matters.




This post is first published in Mommy Cafe, Ruth’s personal blog.

Share Your Thoughts


CommentLuv badge